drawing on the right side of the brain

A couple of years ago I read Dan Pink's book 'A Whole New Mind'. In chapter six, he talked about a drawing class he took in New York City called 'Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain'. The course was developed by Betty Edwards and the emphasis is on teaching you how to see.

I was fascinated and searched to see if there was someone in Melbourne teaching the same way. I found Sophie Balchin, who trained under Brian Bomeisler (Betty Edward's son). Not only is she in Melbourne but she teaches just ten minutes from where I live. So it felt like it was meant to be.

I can't draw to save myself - really. There are some things I'm good at and being an artist just isn't one of them. When I told my girls that I was taking up drawing they both screwed up their faces and told me that would be hilarious. But I joined Sophie's evening course regardless and here's the unfinished piece I drew in last night's class (the girls are mildly impressed). It's no Raphael I know, but it's a good start considering I've attended just five sessions and I haven't had the chance to practise in between. If I did, I think I could possibly be ok!

I didn't join a drawing class because I wanted to become an artist - it was more to do with challenging myself by trying something new. And something to do with being courageous enough to step outside of my comfort zone. I don't enjoy doing things I'm not good at (do any of us?) but I know they teach me the most about myself. I also know that being creative in any way is going to help me to be a better writer - and that's something I'm really interested in.

I've taken far more away from this class than I'd imagined I would. I've learned how to see the world differently physically and of course that will change my perspective metaphorically too.

I can't recommend this course more highly. (And no, you really don't want to see the drawing I did in week one!).

improving emotional intelligence

One of the best speakers at the Positive Psychology Conference was Martyn Newman. He is a charismatic man to begin with and his use of interesting content, relevant anecdotes and just a little bit of humour made his talk truly captivating.

Martyn spoke about emotional intelligence. In his book 'Emotional Capitalists' he highlights a range of different areas that are the key success factors in developing emotional intelligence. These factors are often considered more important that IQ in determining success. Here's a snapshot of them.

1. Self Awareness
The ability to understand your feelings and emotions and the ability to communicate these effectively. Being self aware also means that you have the ability to recognise how your actions impact others.

2. Self Management
Self management is about having the capacity for self control and restraint where necessary as well as being able to plan independently and carry through with your actions. It's also about self confidence - being able to accept and respect the person you are.

3. Social Awareness
This is largely about empathy - having the ability to tune into the experience of others. Having a good degree of self awareness helps with this.

4. Social Skills
This one speaks for itself. In a nutshell it's about the ability to get along with others.

5. Adaptability
Martyn suggests that adaptability means that you're flexible enough to adjust to new situations and challenges but that you also have the capacity for self-actualisation and optimism.

You can build on your emotional intelligence. There are lots of tips in Martyn's book but here are a few from me that will get you started.

• Learn about your strengths so that you can become more aware of where you are naturally most at ease. Take the free Authentic Happiness VIA Character Strengths survey.
• Pay attention to the things (and the people) that naturally irritate you. Count to ten before responding in challenging situations so that you give yourself time to think about whether your response is going to inflame a situation or help you get you the results you're after.
• Take some time to write down your 'thirty day goals' and make a point of taking action around each of those goals within the next twenty four hours.
• Pay attention to the voice of your inner critic and challenge it from time to time. Make a point of noticing what you're doing well rather than always being hard on yourself.
• Get out and practise being in new social settings. Do some preparation work around small talk topics if you're not a natural at this. Read the newspaper to find out what's going on around the world, learn about which sporting events are currently being staged or see a film/play/band that you wouldn't otherwise see to give you something new to talk about.

three tips from the positive psychology conference

I have just spent two inspiring days with my colleague Anne Allardice at Positive Psychology and Well-Being conference in Melbourne. There were some wonderful sessions highlighting the latest research findings in positive psych. We use this methodology in our work at Total Balance so it's exciting to see that there's more and more evidence that it really does work to increase happiness and wellbeing (at both a physical and mental level).

Most of the tools that are used are simple and practical. Try the exercises below and see which work best for you.

1. Three Blessings
At the end of each day write down three things that went well today and why. They don't have to be big things - just make a note of the small pleasures in your day. This is something I do with Chris just as we get into bed most nights. It's a way of connecting with each other with a positive focus (rather than whingeing about what didn't go well) and it makes us both reflect on the things that made our days good.


Some examples of my Three Blessings for yesterday:

• One of my gardenias flowered today for the first time in years. It must have been the mulch we put down two weeks ago.


• I loved that I was able to make my sister feel brighter by having a laugh with her on the phone this morning.


• All of the girls from my Last Friday Lunch (more about this in a later post) emailed back to give me feedback about the design question I sent them. I love being in the company of such a wonderful group of like-minded woman.

2. Best Possible Self
Put aside an hour to write about the best possible version of yourself you can imagine. Begin by reflecting on a time when you felt the most happy and confident you have ever felt in your life. Bring as much detail as you can to this memory and then imagine that you can expand on these feelings. Think of a role model who has some of the qualities you really admire in others. Imagine you could easily adopt these qualities and using present tense, write out the version of your 'best possible self'.

For example: 'I have just finished speaking at the Positive Psychology conference about mindfulness and meditation. I felt calm and relaxed and really enjoyed the experience. The feedback I had afterwards was wonderful. I am delighted with my life these days - I have the most fulfilling relationships with my three closest friends and with Chris and the girls. I am enjoying my new yoga class and I'm proud of the fact that I have finally had my book published...etc.'

3. Gratitude Letter

Write a letter of thanks to someone who has done something for you that you consider to be special. Make the letter as detailed and as personal as you can and really spell out what it is that you feel so thankful for. Once you have finished, take the letter to that person and read it aloud to them. This is an exercise that usually results in a few tears. But they're good tears and it is an exercise that's guaranteed to make both of you feel wonderful! I won't bother giving you an example of this one...I'm sure you can do this one easily!

finding refuge

Recently I was sent a copy of Rick Hanson's new book 'Buddha's Brain' to review. It's one of the best books I've read.

In one of the chapters, Rick talks about finding refuge. When I was a child I spent hours absorbed in novels, climbing trees and floating in a swimming pool or the sea. As a teenager, I listened to music with the headphones on, wrote in a journal, walked along ocean beaches and continued to read.

These days I read and write and walk along the beach. As well as these things I'll often spend a Sunday afternoon cooking, still with the music on but without the headphones...they're not that practical in the kitchen. I meditate and occasionally get out in the garden.

These are my places of refuge. The places that I retreat to that fill me back up.

Find a place of refuge and make time to escape there even for just a small amount of time every day.

no expectations

Here's a lovely little story from The New York Times that I have only just stumbled across. What an inspiring woman. Her name is Elizabeth Goodyear and in 2008 she was 101 years old.

If you have the time to watch the slideshow the photos are truly beautiful....and you'll understand the title of the blog pos

Read her story or watch the gorgeous slideshow.

anticipation

'"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best - " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.' A.A. Milne

Sometimes anticipation is almost better than the real thing. All through our lives we anticipate the future. Some of us with a degree of trepidation, others with an almost unrealistic optimism and the rest of us, somewhere in between.

Sadly, many people reach adulthood and ask 'is this all there is?'. The life they had anticipated hasn't come to fruition or if it has, it doesn't feel the way that they had expected it would. What do you do when anticipation is no longer a blissful pastime? Do you accept the way things are or continue to look for new things to dream about?

There's a fine balance between being with the way things are and acknowledging that this just isn't enough.

And quite simply, if it doesn't feel that it's enough, it's not.

If there's nothing joyful that springs to mind when you think of the word 'anticipation', maybe it's time to change something.

What you are anticipating - for the next few months, for 2010 and maybe even for the next five years?
Are there things to look forward to in a whole range of areas of your life?
Are there little things you look forward to every day?

five ways to be happier

To me happiness is feeling that sense of quiet peace within and having the knowledge that I'm making time for the things that really matter.

Here are five simple steps (all backed up by scientific research) to improve your happiness:

1. Spend more quality time with the people you love

Our close relationships are one of the most important factors in our emotional wellbeing. When you feel flat often you're inclined to withdraw socially which isn't always best thing for you. Even if it takes some effort, it's worth reconnecting with people who care about you. And the key here is spending quality time - this is not about being with your partner and being only half present. Put your mobile away and turn off any other distractions (television, computer etc). Really connecting is the key.

2. Exercise at least three times each week for thirty minutes

Ideally this needs to have an aerobic element to it so that your heart rate increases. Research has shown that just thirty minutes, three times a week can be as beneficial as taking a low dose anti-depressant.

3. Cultivate the habit of gratitude

Keep a gratitude journal next to your bed and at the end of each day write down at least three things you're grateful for or three things that went well during the day. They can be the smallest of things...the habit is simply to connect with the things that make your life more fulfilling.

4. Accept painful emotions

As Tal Ben-Shahar says, the only people who don't feel painful emotions are psychopaths and the dead. Life is never going to be without suffering - what makes it more difficult is the way we respond to that suffering. When we can accept difficult emotions as part of the journey we

5. Simplify your life

Most of our lives are too busy and overly complex. We need computer free days, time away from Blackberries and iPhones and shopping, processed foods, traffic, noise. Return to the simple things in life - spend time in natural environments, eat food that is close to it's natural state, walk in the park or along the beach or find somewhere to just enjoy half an hour of silence.

the dalai lama on a quiet mind

I loved Sarah Wilson's article in this week's Sunday Life magazine (a copy of which is also available on Sarah's blog).

Sarah was due to meet with the Dalai Lama last week and a few days ahead of time she found herself wondering about what to ask him. Finally she settled on a question that I get asked in every one of my meditation classes - "How do I get my mind to shut up?'" To which His Holiness replied, "There's no use. Silly! Impossible to achieve! If you can do it, great. If not, waste of time."

What a fabulous response. He has a terrific sense of humour, this wonderful man. Whenever I've been to see him speak I've been delighted by his lightheartedness.

Many meditation teachers may disagree but I'm with him on this one. Stopping the mind from chattering is impossible for most of us to achieve other than for the briefest moments.

I believe the real objective of meditation is awareness. Rather than aiming for complete silence in the mind, try just noticing the chatter and watching it go by without getting caught up in it.