finding refuge

Recently I was sent a copy of Rick Hanson's new book 'Buddha's Brain' to review. It's one of the best books I've read.

In one of the chapters, Rick talks about finding refuge. When I was a child I spent hours absorbed in novels, climbing trees and floating in a swimming pool or the sea. As a teenager, I listened to music with the headphones on, wrote in a journal, walked along ocean beaches and continued to read.

These days I read and write and walk along the beach. As well as these things I'll often spend a Sunday afternoon cooking, still with the music on but without the headphones...they're not that practical in the kitchen. I meditate and occasionally get out in the garden.

These are my places of refuge. The places that I retreat to that fill me back up.

Find a place of refuge and make time to escape there even for just a small amount of time every day.

no expectations

Here's a lovely little story from The New York Times that I have only just stumbled across. What an inspiring woman. Her name is Elizabeth Goodyear and in 2008 she was 101 years old.

If you have the time to watch the slideshow the photos are truly beautiful....and you'll understand the title of the blog pos

Read her story or watch the gorgeous slideshow.

anticipation

'"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best - " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.' A.A. Milne

Sometimes anticipation is almost better than the real thing. All through our lives we anticipate the future. Some of us with a degree of trepidation, others with an almost unrealistic optimism and the rest of us, somewhere in between.

Sadly, many people reach adulthood and ask 'is this all there is?'. The life they had anticipated hasn't come to fruition or if it has, it doesn't feel the way that they had expected it would. What do you do when anticipation is no longer a blissful pastime? Do you accept the way things are or continue to look for new things to dream about?

There's a fine balance between being with the way things are and acknowledging that this just isn't enough.

And quite simply, if it doesn't feel that it's enough, it's not.

If there's nothing joyful that springs to mind when you think of the word 'anticipation', maybe it's time to change something.

What you are anticipating - for the next few months, for 2010 and maybe even for the next five years?
Are there things to look forward to in a whole range of areas of your life?
Are there little things you look forward to every day?

five ways to be happier

To me happiness is feeling that sense of quiet peace within and having the knowledge that I'm making time for the things that really matter.

Here are five simple steps (all backed up by scientific research) to improve your happiness:

1. Spend more quality time with the people you love

Our close relationships are one of the most important factors in our emotional wellbeing. When you feel flat often you're inclined to withdraw socially which isn't always best thing for you. Even if it takes some effort, it's worth reconnecting with people who care about you. And the key here is spending quality time - this is not about being with your partner and being only half present. Put your mobile away and turn off any other distractions (television, computer etc). Really connecting is the key.

2. Exercise at least three times each week for thirty minutes

Ideally this needs to have an aerobic element to it so that your heart rate increases. Research has shown that just thirty minutes, three times a week can be as beneficial as taking a low dose anti-depressant.

3. Cultivate the habit of gratitude

Keep a gratitude journal next to your bed and at the end of each day write down at least three things you're grateful for or three things that went well during the day. They can be the smallest of things...the habit is simply to connect with the things that make your life more fulfilling.

4. Accept painful emotions

As Tal Ben-Shahar says, the only people who don't feel painful emotions are psychopaths and the dead. Life is never going to be without suffering - what makes it more difficult is the way we respond to that suffering. When we can accept difficult emotions as part of the journey we

5. Simplify your life

Most of our lives are too busy and overly complex. We need computer free days, time away from Blackberries and iPhones and shopping, processed foods, traffic, noise. Return to the simple things in life - spend time in natural environments, eat food that is close to it's natural state, walk in the park or along the beach or find somewhere to just enjoy half an hour of silence.

the dalai lama on a quiet mind

I loved Sarah Wilson's article in this week's Sunday Life magazine (a copy of which is also available on Sarah's blog).

Sarah was due to meet with the Dalai Lama last week and a few days ahead of time she found herself wondering about what to ask him. Finally she settled on a question that I get asked in every one of my meditation classes - "How do I get my mind to shut up?'" To which His Holiness replied, "There's no use. Silly! Impossible to achieve! If you can do it, great. If not, waste of time."

What a fabulous response. He has a terrific sense of humour, this wonderful man. Whenever I've been to see him speak I've been delighted by his lightheartedness.

Many meditation teachers may disagree but I'm with him on this one. Stopping the mind from chattering is impossible for most of us to achieve other than for the briefest moments.

I believe the real objective of meditation is awareness. Rather than aiming for complete silence in the mind, try just noticing the chatter and watching it go by without getting caught up in it.

blog with heart challenge

We've made a family decision not to give gifts this year but to donate instead. As it so happens, a great blog post from Write to Done landed in my inbox today telling me about their 'Blog With Heart Challenge'.

Mary Jaksch from Goodlife Zen and Arvind Devalia from Make it Happen are hosting the Blog with Heart Challenge 2009/2010 in order to harness the combined power of blogs to alleviate poverty. The Blog with Heart Challenge 2009/2010 uses Kiva a highly respected non-profit micro lender. Kiva allows you to lend as little as $25 to a specific low-income entrepreneur in the developing world and as they repay the loan, you get your money back. Watch this short video to see how Kiva works:

We have set up a Total Balance team at Kiva and we'd love you to join. Just click on the team link and join us in providing a loan that will change someone's life.

meditation workshop

A couple of weekends ago I ran my first one day meditation retreat in Melbourne and it was a fantastic day.

I sent out an invitation to women I knew and the class filled in no time - it was one of those days that had a great vibe right from the word go. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday and we had a wonderful venue, great food and the pleasure of each other's company. I think I enjoyed the day more than anyone!

Liz from Lizzy C Photography joined us and took these gorgeous photos in between meditations and everyone wrote a beautiful testimonial and sent it through the following week. How lucky I am to be surrounded by such wonderful women.

I can't wait for the next one (which is already booked out). We'll be running lots more of the same next year before our longer retreats to Bali and Byron Bay.

'I wanted to thank you for the meditation retreat. It was a wonderful time. I feel that you really introduced me to the world of meditation in a way that took any mystery away and before I even started, I felt confident that it was something I could do. All I really wanted was a day to stop and learn a new skill that could allow me to 'stop' in my own home. I am realising more how important it is to live in the moment with mindfulness. You have a beautiful, calm style, Kate. You are real and show vulnerability, which in turn creates an intimate environment. I felt very safe in the space you created, which is so important, because meditation and discussing deep-seated issues can feel so raw to the participants, yet I felt that it was ok.

Thanks so much, Kate. You led a beautiful day and have started me on a path that I can see is going to be beneficial for myself and our family. At the risk of sounding corny, I really feel that you are right in the centre of what you were created to do; how fabulous is that?’ Shelley

mindfulness

I'm speaking this week at the Serious Business Women's conference in Melbourne about mindfulness, something I have a strong belief in. I'll post more about mindfulness in the coming weeks but until then, here's an excellent introduction from Dr Bob Stahl.