letting go of judgement

'I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.' Dalai Lama

When we judge others, we compromise our own sense of inner calm. Judgement is defined by the dictionary as 'the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions'. Interestingly, the judgements we make of others are very often negative.

Much of the evaluating we do draws on beliefs that go back as far as childhood. Quite often these beliefs are outdated and no longer relevant. The judgements we make are at times based on our own sense of superiority in relation to others because we perceive them to be less educated, less capable or not conforming to our idea of what makes a person valuable. Yet really, who are we to judge?

I believe we are moving towards a society of greater acceptance but we still have a long way to go. I am still aware of great levels of intolerance and impatience around me. I hear anecdotes and comments that are judgemental all too often. And as much as I'm loath to admit it, at times I still find myself making judgements too.

Personal stresses affect the way we interact with the world and as much as we aim to be accepting and patient, sometimes other people's actions frustrate us. When we immediately slip into judgement mode, we actually add to that frustration. Rather than acting with acceptance and equanimity, we react, often inappropriately.

I recently witnessed an incident that reminded me of how quickly a simple situation can unravel into unpleasantness. I was at my local greengrocer, picking up some vegetables. It was late in the day and there was a queue of people which was unusual for this friendly little store. The young cashier looked flustered but you could see she was doing her best to remain calm. In the queue ahead of me was a woman with a basket of produce. Her impatience at having to wait was evident. It was difficult not to feel affected by her agitation. After some time, she made a show of picking up a couple of the items in her basket and tossing them quite aggressively back in the fruit bins before leaving the shop in a huff.

Being time poor myself, I understood her irritation. Sometimes I don't anticipate waiting in a queue and the impact on my schedule is frustrating. But I don't believe there is any excuse for rudeness. Ever.

As I left the shop I wondered what it was that had one person so obviously infuriated while the others waited patiently in line. Partly it's about a person's inherent character I suppose, partly it's circumstantial - admittedly, I had no idea what else was going on in her world, but part was about her judgement of the situation.

I can only guess about what may have gone through her mind (I shouldn't have to wait, the sales assistant is slow/incompetent, this shop is understaffed) but I did wonder about how different it would be if she'd have been able to approach the situation with a greater sense of calm.Much of our judgement comes about because we have an expectation of how things should be. We assume that people will be efficient, that traffic will flow smoothly, that life will go to plan...and that we shouldn't have to wait in queues!

When we accept that the world is full of imperfect people, as we are ourselves, and that everyone is simply doing the best that they can at any given point in time, it frees us up to be less judgemental.

** This beautiful photo was taken by Ewen Bell who kindly offered for me to use it on the blog. Ewen and I worked on the Tourism NT job together last year.