happy marriage

This article is great - http://zenhabits.net/2009/04/the-secret-ingredient-for-a-better-marriage/.

It's full of simple little tips to make your partner relationship happier. Whilst it says it's about marriage I think it applies to any relationship that's a year or two old. That's about as long as it takes to get stuck in a routine.

girls' lunch

I played hookey on Friday and went to lunch. I suppose you could call it a networking lunch so maybe that counts as work. The emphasis wasn't really networking but getting a group of gorgeous women together.

Although I love people, I'm often not overly social. I see a handful of good friends and spend lots of time with my own little family and that generally keeps me busy enough. But over the past few years I've met some wonderful women and I felt it was worth bringing them together.

They have things in common - all are business women, most working in small creative businesses and each is a warm, interesting and vibrant woman. So I invited them to lunch. Every one of them said yes which was a lesson in itself. I'm sometimes hesitant to be the organiser of things. But I did it and I'm so pleased...it was one of those truly memorable days.

I knew everyone but they were strangers to each other. Yet the conversation flowed and as I had guessed, we had much in common.

Apart from the fact that the day was uplifting, it felt like another sign that I'm in the right place. With the right people. Hopefully...doing the right things.

reducing anxiety

Many of the people I work with tell me they are feeling more anxious than usual. It has been an unsettling time in the world - both financially and environmentally. For those of us living in Victoria, the bushfires heightened our sensitivity to global warming and the fragility of our existence at every level. Even if you’re not prone to anxiety, challenging times such as these can still make you more vulnerable to stress.

One of the more common types of anxiety is known as ‘generalised anxiety disorder’ and it often presents itself as excessive worrying. People who suffer from this ailment experience symptoms such as irritability, difficulty in concentrating, restlessness and agitation. They find it difficult to relax and often have trouble sleeping. The result is that their enjoyment of life is significantly reduced.

Five steps to manage anxiety

1. Understand what drives your worry
There are a range of factors that contribute to ‘generalised anxiety disorder’. Whilst external influences contribute to how much you’re worrying, it’s worth reflecting on what it is that drives you internally. Some common contributors are the desire to please others, an excessive need for control, perfectionism or a need for approval. Once we’re aware of our drivers it gives us a choice to re-evaluate how useful and valid these factors are in our lives.

2. Notice your thoughts
Begin by just paying attention to the often unconscious messages and thoughts that repeat themselves in your mind. Notice how often you gravitate towards ‘what if’ thinking (‘what if I lose my job?’, ‘what if I mess up my presentation/interview?’ ‘what if my business doesn’t thrive?). It’s draining to be in a constant state of worry and as most of us know, the majority of things we worry about never actually happen. It is the worry itself that affects our quality of life.

3. Challenge your thinking
Once you’re aware, take some time to write down one or two of your worrying thoughts. Then ask yourself a series of questions to explore your worry more directly.

• On a scale of 1-10, how likely is it that this outcome will occur?
• What is the worst thing that can happen?
• What is the best thing that can happen?
• What is most likely to happen?
• How would you advise a friend in your situation?
• What actions can you take now to alleviate your worry?

4. Learn to physically relax
Stress and worry often present themselves as physical symptoms in our bodies. Some of the common feelings include tense muscles, racing heart, shortness of breath, a whirling feeling in the mind or a knot in your stomach. Spending just five or ten minutes allowing yourself to physically relax can reduce the amount of adrenaline in your system and help you to feel instantly calm. Find a comfortable place to lie down and put on some relaxing music. Slowly work from the top of the head all the way down your body relaxing each and every muscle. In your mind say to yourself ‘I’m relaxing my forehead; my cheeks are softening; I’m letting my shoulders drop’ as you slowly work down through the body. Allow yourself to stay in that physically relaxed state for five minutes.

5. Learn to meditate

• Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted and take the phone off the hook
• Sit in a comfortable chair and begin by taking some long slow deep breaths
• Begin your meditation by simply focusing your attention on the sound of your outward breath
• When your thoughts distract you, gently let them go and return your focus to your breath
• Don’t worry about whether your technique is right. Just the simple act of stopping and resting will make a difference.
• If you have time, meditate for twenty minutes, checking the time on a watch or clock. If you can’t sit still for that long, begin with five minutes. Even a short meditation will help.
• Take your time coming out of your meditation
• Sit quietly at the completion of your meditation before resuming your activities

And if none of these strategies work, maybe you should join us for a completely relaxing meditation retreat in Bali in July this year.

earth mother inspiration

I've always loved the whole earth mother thing. For a while there, I nearly pulled it off.

The girls were little and we had chooks running around the garden, I baked bread and little biscuits for their lunchboxes. I stewed fruit, made jams and chutneys in summer and Seville orange marmalade in winter. I grew herbs, vegetables and gathered fruit from our trees. I even tried my hand at sewing. But as time went by I realised the earth mother role wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

I think the breaking point was a sunny afternoon when the girls wandered out the back to find our innocent looking dog (not Poppy) sitting smugly beside one of the chooks with its head detached. I was hit by that sense of 'who am I kidding?'. The apples were full of worms, the figs and tomatoes were always devoured by possums and birds. The coriander went to seed within a week of being planted, the tomatoes were floury and I was tired of dodging chook poo as I went to hang the washing. Even those romantic sounding raspberry picking afternoons ended up in a tantrum when somebody's bucket was overturned. Quite frankly, I was over it. It was much simpler to just buy a jar of St Dalfour's Black Cherry at Safeway.

And so I shifted my focus from earth mother to career woman. And I can assure you, it's a damn sight easier.

Still, I'm drawn back there from time to time. I was recently inspired by Lucy's Crabapple Jelly post . So I decided to dabble again.

Harissa is pretty much fail proof. I just throw in the ingredients without measuring them so I can't really give you an accurate recipe but here's one to try as a starting point. I use fresh chillies (a mixture of larger and small so it's not unbearably hot) rather than dried ones and I add fresh mint and fresh coriander to make it a bit more flavoursome. Keep it in the fridge and add a big tablespoon to a bowl of natural yoghurt to serve with barbequed lamb.

You'll feel virtuous having made it yourself.

bali meditation retreat - chasing a dream

I've had a dream since I started my business of running a meditation retreat in a beautiful part of the world. And now it's happening!

When I first set out to put a retreat together, I really didn't know where to begin. Then a friend of mine, Karen Goudge from Spa Travel offered to help. Together we put together a five day retreat that sounds relaxing and enticing...even to me. Karen has so much experience organising retreats and it was a huge relief to have her assistance.

So...in July this year we'll spend five relaxing days in Ubud at the at the beautiful hillside garden resort of Maya Ubud in Bali.

We've included guided walks through terraced rice fields and villages, a Balinese cooking class, yoga and pilates classes, spa treatments and we'll still have time to explore the vibrant and creative spirit of Ubud.

I sent the newsletter yesterday letting people know about it and already I've had loads of enquiries so it looks like it will happen. I am so excited! If you're interested in joining us have a look at the details here.

favourite places

I love being at home. I'm actually more of a homebody than I generally like to admit. As much as I enjoy being out and about in Melbourne, I find myself drawn more and more to the nurturing environment of home.

Our house isn't big but it is an oasis. The sun comes into the back room in the afternoon so when I come to the kitchen to cook, it's always warm. The back garden is completely private and the trees that I brought home in my car fifteen years ago are now well established.

The grass is green again since Chris hooked up a pump and hose to the washing machine outlet - I can't believe how much I appreciate the transformation from the dust bowl it was not so long ago. The herbs are flourishing from their bed of sugar cane mulch and I'm getting back to the market each week to buy flowers and fruit that are in season.

There's firewood in the wood box ready for a few fires in winter and I'm digging out recipes for osso bucco and 'forty cloves of garlic chicken' (sounds outrageous I know, but it's divine). I've topped up the tea jars with my favourites - Irish Breakfast, Orange Pekoe, T2's Tummy Tea and Sleep Tight. If you've never had proper herbal leaf tea, you must try it. It's so much nicer than the dusty tea bag stuff!

And of course, it's where Chris, the girls and Poppy are.