wired to worry

'I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.'  Mark Twain

I had a conversation with a client this week that reminded me of how often we worry unnecessarily. My client works with a manager who doesn't give her feedback. She's conscientious and committed to her job and a sensitive, thoughtful girl. She admitted that frequently, she thinks the worst about her boss' opinion of her. If he's snappy, she wonders what she might have done wrong. If he calls an impromptu meeting with her, she anticipates the worst.

Some of us have a natural propensity to worry. And it's often largely unhelpful.

If you're wired to be a worrier, try some of the ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) tools outlined in Russ Harris' book 'The Happiness Trap'.

1. Develop your self awareness so that you notice yourself worrying and tell yourself 'that's me doing my worrying thing again'. Notice how you feel when you worry - where it is in your body, what it does to your heart rate and any other changes you become aware of.
2. Don't beat yourself up about being a worrier. Initially, just notice how often it happens and label it as worry (this is the 'acceptance' part of ACT). The principal here is to recognise that difficult feelings are just difficult feelings that we will all experience them from time to time.
3. Finally, choose an action you can take that is aligned with your values. This is what Russ calls 'workable action' (the 'commitment' part of ACT). Sometimes the action might be related to the worry - have a conversation that needs to be had or take control of an area of your life that is making you unhappy. But at other times the action may be to simply get busy with something to take your attention away from the worry. Exercise or any other vigorous activity (such as cleaning the house, washing the car, mowing the lawn) can be good.

Over time, defusing worry in this way helps to limit its grip on you.